East End Cabaret

‘Communism, dirty songs and puppet sex’ – this is how East End Cabaret was sold to me. And oh, was I sold.

Once a month, in Cellar Door, the former public toilet now slick speakeasy on the corner of The Strand, one can be transported back to the 1930s through the vocal stylings of East End Cabaret, a salacious duo from the East End (via the Eastern Bloc) bringing the smut back into our lives.

Through the dulcet tones of the heavily kohled femme fatale Bernadette Byrne and her sexually ambiguous partner Victor/Victoria, East End Cabaret shares its love of sex, props and Bolsheviks, often at the same time, with their intimate audience. And when I say intimate, I reference the fact that Cellar Door can fit no more than about 35 people…

Armed with a veritable treasure chest of instruments ranging from an accordion to a saw and an impressive repertoire of chart classics, including Right Said Fred’s I’m Too Sexy and an ingenious reinterpretation of Sex on Fire, the two truly come into their own with their original compositions, or what I like to call ‘life lessons’. From Stop, Drop and Roll, the handy girl’s guide to walking home alone safely at night, to Is It In Yet, the not-so-subtly-titled account of where not to pick up virgins ripe for deflowering, these girls are not just here to entertain; they are here to educate.

The ensuing hysteria could only be a combination of the female audience members’ laughter of recognition and the boys’ nervous laughter at the realisation that perhaps girls do think like that…and we do. Except perhaps about Ping Pong, a disturbingly hilarious ditty about some downtown exertions as seen in a bar in Thailand. I think Bernadette might be alone on that one…Also, any fans of kazoos and The Bloodhound Gang out there – this is definitely the show for you.

Finally, satisfying all three of the aforementioned pull factors of East End Cabaret, and heralding the puppet portion of the evening, is Mr Little Red Book. A Bolshevik-inspired sex manual whose gentle merging of erotica with Communist manifestos is handily performed by Mr Hammer and Miss Sickle, Mr Little Red Book gives us a history lesson with homework we actually want to do.

A secret hidden pleasure underneath The Strand, East End Cabaret unearths the sordid tendencies we never knew we had. Or were afraid to admit until we were in a room filled with similarly debauched individuals. See them now…before they get deported.

East End Cabaret takes place on the last Wednesday of each month at:

Cellar Door
Zero Aldwych
Covent Garden
WC2E 7DN

Tel: 020 7240 8848